Coachability: The Coach and Player Relationship and What It Should Look Like
Coachability is a trait that all of us in the coaching realm appreciate. The reason being is that it allows the student-athlete that we are trying to help is taking the advice and hopefully uses the advice to become better at the skill they are struggling with. This also applies to the classroom, instead of coachability, the word is teachability. Both words are the same thing. The open mind of the student to learn from the teacher, and to hopefully use this same advice. But there is something very important with the information that they are given, the student or student-athlete must evaluate if that advice is 1. in their skill set and 2. will be helpful. Let's remember, the game is made for the player, not for us. Although we teach, we must understand what is best for each individual on our team. Thus why a cookie-cutter approach will not work. That is why all of these adjustments and decisions must be made through a conversation.
To expand on this, we must dive into the minds of our student-athletes. Think of back when you were a player. What kind of coaches are memorable for you. Both the good and the bad. What made them good or bad? Now think about the coaches that stood out to you for all of the good reasons. Odds are these coaches have become your friend, or even more part of your family. Why is that? The reason for that is because you trust them. Why do you trust them? That reason is because they showed you how much they cared about you. Of course they cared that you were an athlete, but there is nothing special about that. The best of the best coaches and teachers cared about the real you, the person. They cared about what was going on in your life and how you were feeling. As a coach and educator, our goal shouldn't simply just be to spew out information. Instead, it should be to become a life-long mentor. Because one day, you may need them.
The process of how to become the best coach, teacher, and mentor to your student-athletes, students, and co-workers is built on these traits: trust, player first approach, life long mentor, and family. These are all elements that are necessary to have a lasting impact on the lives of the individuals that you teach, coach, and mentor.
Trust
The first pillar also known as trust is the most important aspect of gaining buy in and the biggest pillar with any relationship. There is a great quote making the rounds in educational and coaching circles that states, the player or student doesn't care how much you know until you show how much you care. Pretty impactful right? I bet you can remember that coach or teacher that was like this. Odds are you enjoyed going to practice or class, and I bet you worked harder for that coach or teacher because of the caring that was shown.
Player First
This mentality doesn't exactly make you a "players coach" but you should always focus on the players. One of my favorite Nick Saban quotes is this one, "When in a game think about the players, not the plays." Understand what traits your student-athletes have. Understand that it is their career, not yours. It is okay for you to give advice, and them not using it. It isn't because you are wrong, it just doesn't exactly fit their makeup. Another aspect that you must realize is that even though it may not fit their makeup of the advice that you gave, there is a piece of that information that they will use. That they will store in their head, so that they will be prepared.
Life Long Mentor
After your playing days are through, that coach that made a positive impact on your life will always be there. Matter of fact, the best of the best coaches do not remember you for how fantastic you were on the field or court. Rather, they remember you of how good of a husband, father, and friend that you are to others. When you see a former player succeeding in life, that is one proud moment. I am too young to have witnessed this impact as of yet, but I have seen the pure happiness of that it has put on my dad's face. Along with hearing other coaches express the same joy. I have also witnessed former players reach out to these impactful coaches for advice, and they get even closer and become friends.
Family
This is not the case for everyone, but it does happen. Some coaches even become family to these former athletes. They get invited to family gatherings around the holidays, to weddings, and to dinner. The people you surround yourself with are who you will become. If you are a positive mentor to others then you will likely be invited to these events and become part of a new family.
Before I finish up this post, I am going to leave you with telling a story that sums up these traits perfectly. The story of legendary college basketball coach John Wooden and legendary basketball player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. These two couldn't have been more differently. Wooden a Christian, and Jabbar a Muslim. But Wooden didn't care about the difference in religion. In fact, it made him more interested in Jabbar. Wooden wanted to know more about Jabbar the person, rather than Jabbar the player. This was one of the defining reasons why Jabbar chose to go to UCLA. Wooden understood that coaching is a job that goes well beyond just X's and O's. That these student-athletes have emotions and dreams.Wooden wanted to teach life, along with basketball. A detail that is still missed in many programs to this day. Wooden was a transformational coach, one who wanted to transform his players for the better. Not to use them for his gain. That the best thing that you can see is them succeeding off the court. Because Wooden showed how much he cared for his players, his players made him a friend and family. Jabbar never forgot all that Wooden did for him, and made him family. If there is one takeaway I want you to have with this post remember this, people do not care how much you know, until you show them how much you care.
Trust
The first pillar also known as trust is the most important aspect of gaining buy in and the biggest pillar with any relationship. There is a great quote making the rounds in educational and coaching circles that states, the player or student doesn't care how much you know until you show how much you care. Pretty impactful right? I bet you can remember that coach or teacher that was like this. Odds are you enjoyed going to practice or class, and I bet you worked harder for that coach or teacher because of the caring that was shown.
Player First
This mentality doesn't exactly make you a "players coach" but you should always focus on the players. One of my favorite Nick Saban quotes is this one, "When in a game think about the players, not the plays." Understand what traits your student-athletes have. Understand that it is their career, not yours. It is okay for you to give advice, and them not using it. It isn't because you are wrong, it just doesn't exactly fit their makeup. Another aspect that you must realize is that even though it may not fit their makeup of the advice that you gave, there is a piece of that information that they will use. That they will store in their head, so that they will be prepared.
Life Long Mentor
After your playing days are through, that coach that made a positive impact on your life will always be there. Matter of fact, the best of the best coaches do not remember you for how fantastic you were on the field or court. Rather, they remember you of how good of a husband, father, and friend that you are to others. When you see a former player succeeding in life, that is one proud moment. I am too young to have witnessed this impact as of yet, but I have seen the pure happiness of that it has put on my dad's face. Along with hearing other coaches express the same joy. I have also witnessed former players reach out to these impactful coaches for advice, and they get even closer and become friends.
Family
This is not the case for everyone, but it does happen. Some coaches even become family to these former athletes. They get invited to family gatherings around the holidays, to weddings, and to dinner. The people you surround yourself with are who you will become. If you are a positive mentor to others then you will likely be invited to these events and become part of a new family.
Before I finish up this post, I am going to leave you with telling a story that sums up these traits perfectly. The story of legendary college basketball coach John Wooden and legendary basketball player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. These two couldn't have been more differently. Wooden a Christian, and Jabbar a Muslim. But Wooden didn't care about the difference in religion. In fact, it made him more interested in Jabbar. Wooden wanted to know more about Jabbar the person, rather than Jabbar the player. This was one of the defining reasons why Jabbar chose to go to UCLA. Wooden understood that coaching is a job that goes well beyond just X's and O's. That these student-athletes have emotions and dreams.Wooden wanted to teach life, along with basketball. A detail that is still missed in many programs to this day. Wooden was a transformational coach, one who wanted to transform his players for the better. Not to use them for his gain. That the best thing that you can see is them succeeding off the court. Because Wooden showed how much he cared for his players, his players made him a friend and family. Jabbar never forgot all that Wooden did for him, and made him family. If there is one takeaway I want you to have with this post remember this, people do not care how much you know, until you show them how much you care.
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